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ROY G. BIV DEVILED EGG FILLINGS
The way to make deviled eggs is obvious and boring for me to explain, but I guess I will do it. If you look at a picture of a deviled egg, you can clearly see that the egg has been hardboiled, peeled, halved, and then separated into whites and yolks. With the yolks, you can mix in some mayo and whatever seasonings you like, and refill it back into the white halves for an adorable little presentation. Garnish freely with paprika and parsley sprigs.
Now that we understand what goes into making a deviled egg, we can move on. Here are some alternative fillings for deviled eggs that are as diverse as colors of a spectrum.
RED
Mix egg yolks with ketchup
Mix egg yolks with sriracha
Mix egg yolks with tomato paste
Mix egg yolks with a lot of paprika
Fill whites with grape tomato
ORANGE
Mix egg yolks with mayo, instant mac and cheese powder
Mix egg yolks with crushed up cheese puffs
Mix egg yolks with carrot baby food
YELLOW
Mix egg yolks with mayo, tumeric, curry
Mix egg yolks with mustard
Mix egg yolks with mayo, lemon zest
Mix egg yolks with mayo
Mix egg yolks with nothing
GREEN
Mix egg yolks with avocado
Mix egg yolks with mayo, finely chopped scallions
Mix egg yolks with pesto
BLUE
Mix egg yolks with blueberries (dessert deviled egg)
Mix egg yolks with blue food dye
Mix egg yolks with blue curacao liqueur (Just kidding)
PURPLE
Mix egg yolks with beet juice
Mix egg yolks with red cabbage (sounds very fart inducing, doesn’t it?)
Mix egg yolks with grape kool-aid (just kidding again)
BROWN
Mix egg yolks with ground beef or breakfast sausage (the breakfast deviled egg)
Mix egg yolks with
BLACK
Mix egg yolks with pureed black seseme seeds
Mix egg yolks with black pepper
Mix egg yolks with poppy seed filling (dessert)
WHITE
Fill whites with mashed potatoes
Fill whites with tofu cream cheese
Fill whites with white rice
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MAYO MOUTH
Have you ever tried to make mayonnaise in your mouth? It’s hard!! I did it once, and made somebody a ham and cheese sandwich with my mayo mouth, and they loved it!!
1 egg yolk
however much olive oil you can pour into your mouth
Drop the egg yolk and then pour the olive oil into your mouth. Start swishing it around in your mouth. Try to do this for at least 2 full minutes. Try REALLY HARD not to laugh!! Spit it out into a little bowl. Spread on sandwich. Use it right away!!
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EGG RICE
This is hands down one of my number one comfort dishes. Occasions when this is very appropriate to eat are breakfast, after a late night of having fun, and perhaps after a long jogging or fitness session.
-1 egg
-1 small bowl of steamed jasmine rice
-2 squirts of fish sauce
-black pepper
Heat up a small frying pan on high and grease it up with your fat of choice. I like vegetable oil here. Crack your egg into the hot oil. The egg should be bubbling and sizzling up in a very happy way. Look at your little egg friend frying in the pan until you get bored, and then take it off the heat. (Ideally the edges are a little crispy and the yolk is pretty much still raw.) Slide that little guy onto your bowl of rice. Squirt fish sauce and black pepper on top. Stir around. Take a bite. Orgasm. Pound the rest.
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PORK HARDBOILED EGG SOUP, AKA “HIGH END EGG RICE”
Here is a traditional Vietnamese recipe, called “Thit Kho.” My family made this all the time. Whenever I cook this for my friend Sandra, she goes apeshit over it!! She calls it “high end egg rice” (as opposed to normal egg rice) because I serve it over white jasmine rice and sliced cucumbers. It really hits the spot no matter what. This recipe makes a decent sized pot of it, to share with your friends!
-1 lb pork belly, or pork legs with the skin on, cubed up
-1-2 cloves of garlic, crushed
-1/4 cup sugar
-5-6 squirts fish sauce
-1 can coconut soda or juice (if you don’t have either, just use water)
-6-69 hardboiled eggs, peeled
-black pepper
-1 hot chili pepper (optional)
In a pot, heat it up to medium high and melt the sugar until it’s nice and brown. Once the sugar is melted and browned, add your pork and garlic. It’s going to sizzle!!!! Stir the pork chunks around until they are seared. Squirt in the fish sauce and stir around some more!
Once the pork is browned, add the can of coconut soda and bring this to a boil, then turn it down to a simmer. Add your hardboiled eggs and chili pepper and let that simmer for about 5 minutes. Take it off the heat.
Let me tell you, when you dip thick sliced cucumbers in this, it rules so hard. Eat with white rice and cucumbers and/or lettuce. Fresh herbs are good too, like mint, shiso, fish mint (rau dap ca), and/or chives.
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MINI EGG BREAKFAST
When I was little, my dad cooked breakfast for my brothers and me all the time. One morning he served us a very American diner style breakfast with hardboiled eggs, fried ham, and hash browns. The ham and the potatoes looked normal enough, but the eggs were way too small. They rolled around on my plate like tiny little marbles! I looked at my brothers really confused, and then I looked up at my dad, and he was laughing so hard at me!!!!
The thing was, there used to be a little sparrow nest right outside of out kitchen window at the time, that definitely had some eggs in it. I got up and looked at the bird’s nest and the eggs were gone!! I looked at my dad again, and he was still laughing!
“I cooked the eggs!! Eat it!!”
I was very apprehensive about it, but I did it reluctantly, and you know what? They tasted just like a normal chicken egg.
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STEAMED PORK EGG MEAT LOAF
This is a variation on a Vietnamese dish Cha Trung, which is a steamed pork egg meatloaf omelet. This is awesome to eat with rice and cucumbers and fish sauce. The noodles and fungus help bind the meatloaf together. You buy them dry, and soak it in a bowl of water for at least an hour (or as long as overnight) before you prepare this.
My mom used to prepare this in a cake pan, which is good for feeding a family. I make mine in a small loaf pan, which is good for my pre-family style. (Simply double this recipe for family version.) A stove top steamer or some sort of bootlegged version of a steamer is important.
-1/2 lb ground pork
-1/2 bundle bean thread noodles, soaked
-roughly 1 tablespoon tree ear fungus, soaked
-2 eggs
-2 squirts fish sauce
-pinch of sugar
-black pepper
-(optional) roughly 1 tablespoon chopped scallions
-(for fun, you can also add 1/4 cup crab meat, krab meat, canned crab meat, or pounded shrimp)
Get your steamer on the stove going on high. Mix together in a bowl with your bare hand the ground pork, (and the optional ckrab/shrimp), noodles, fungus, 1 egg, fish sauce, sugar, and black pepper. Stuff it into your a loaf pan. Beat the other egg and add the scallions to it. Pour that on top of the meat mixture in the loaf pan.
If the steamer is steaming hot (you know, the water is boiling underneath), you can put your loaf into the steamer. Cover it, and let it steam for about 30-45 minutes.
Take it out. You can try to unmold it and slice it, but if you find that too frustrating, scoop out your serving with a big spoon and serve over rice or in between some bread, like a baguette.
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TOMATO PORK EGG KRAB NOODLE SOUP
This is another variation on a Vietnamese dish. A lot of Vietnamese soups are awesomely refreshing, light, and contain very complex flavors! This one is an easier one to make because it doesn’t necessarily require hours of bone boiling, but you can make a pork or crab stock from scratch if you reeeaaally want your soup to taste that much better. This is one that is served over rice vermicelli noodles.
I’ve often had to use pretty budget ingredients to prepare this instead of using what’s supposed to go in it, but what I made yielded not bad results! Many different variations of this soup contain all kinds of stuff, like fresh crab meat, shrimp, coagulated pork blood cubes, tofu puffs, escargots, fish, etc. You can see that this soup can get pretty buck wild!
Fresh crab meat I’ve often substituted for Krab. Fresh raw shrimp I’ve omitted if I don’t have it. I’ve used fresh lime juice when I don’t have tamarind paste.
It’s all about the meatball mixture. This is a fluffy tomato meatball soup where the meatballs fluff around loose and separate in the most winty fashion.
As with most soups, it’s easy to make too much, especially when I am just cooking for myself and my boyfriend. I came up with measurements here that makes 4 servings.
BROTH
-3 quarts water (substitute for pork or crab stock if you have)
-cooking oil
-2 big tomatoes, or 4 plum tomatoes , halved and quartered
-1/2 onion, sliced
-2 cloves garlic, minced
-a couple dried shrimp, soaked for an hour, minced (optional)
-1 tablespoon tamarind paste, (or lime juice from 1 lime)
-sugar to taste
-fish sauce to taste
MEATBALL MIXTURE
-1/4 lb ground pork
-1 can of “minced crab in spices”
-handfull KRAB meat broken up in smaller pieces
-roughly 1/4 cup scallions, sliced
-3 eggs, beaten
NOODLES
-1 package rice vermicelli noodles, I like the thicker spaghetti gauge size
POTENTIAL TOPPINGS
-shredded iceberg lettuce (I am really into this)
-shrimp paste (amazing flavor, stinky smell)
-hot chili sauce
-fresh lime juice
-fresh mint
-fresh shiso
-fresh basil
-split rau muon
In a big stock pot, saute the onions, garlic, dried minced shrimp at a medium heat until they’re a little soft and a little brown. Add the tomatoes and let those sizzle around for a little bit. Add the water.
Meanwhile, make your meatball mixture in a bowl. Mix together the pork, krab, canned minced crab, scallions. Add the beaten eggs. Set this aside.
Once the broth comes to a boil, add the meat mixture by the spoonful. The meat lumps will naturally loosen and stay clumped voluntarily.
Season your soup to taste with tamarind paste (or lime juice), shrimp paste, fish sauce and sugar.
Serve over rice noodles. Top with fresh herbs and greens.
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MONSTER EGG SAUSAGE
When you make this egg, it is fun to pretend that you have an egg that makes perfect slices infinitely. A side note, especially if you are concerned with time-saving and headaches, you can substitute real eggs, for cartons of egg whites and egg yellows. Also, it would help a ton to have an assistant for this whole process. This is a fun hors doeurve to serve at parties next to the blocks of cheese and summer sausages.
-1 dozen eggs or a carton of egg whites and yellows
-skinny sausage casing
-fat sausage casing
Get a large pot of water going in on the stove with the intention of bringing it to a boil.
Meanwhile, if you are using real eggs, separate the eggs whites and the yolks into separate bowls. (It would help a lot if you have bowls with little spouts on them, but if you don’t that is okay, but it will get messy!!)
Tie off one end of the skinny sausage casing. CAREFULLY pour the egg yolks into it. Tie off the other end shut (try to do it as closely and tightly as possible, and avoid air bubbles.) Hopefully at this point, your pot of water is boiling, in which case, toss the tied off egg yolk sausage into the boiling water. Let that boil until it feels firm on the outside. Also be careful to keep the shape as straight as you can!
Take the boiled yolk sausage out of the water. Run it under some cool water to cool it down. CAREFULLY cut open the intestines and free the eggs! Set aside.
Now, with the larger sausage casing, tie off the one end and fill it up with the whites. CAREFULLY push the cooked yolks in there, so that it is suspending in the raw whites. Tie off the other end to close. Boil the assembled sausage into the boiling water and let that cook for a while. This will take about an hour.
After it feels pretty firm and cooked, remove it from the heat. Feel free to leave it in the sausage casing when serving. It looks really cool.
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DRAPED EGG
I got the idea for this from an awesome girl named Harue Shimimoto who brought a bigger version of this to a potluck. It really wowwed me how awesomely cheap and fun it was. The fun part was definitely cutting the egg open and seeing some ketchup rice inside. A potluck is probably the only time I would even think about making it again, until one day I made a single serving version of this. It is very fun to eat for breakfast!
-1 egg
-splash of cream/milk
-cooking oil
-a small round rice bowl’s worth of steamed rice (or mashed potatoes)
-ketchup (or tomato paste)
Beat the eggs with the cream until it’s nice and homogenous. Heat up a wide frying pan. Grease it up really good and get it nice and hot!!! Once it’s smoking hot, pour in the beaten eggs and pick up your frying pan and swirl it around so that egg complete coats the bottom of the pan. You want it to be crepe thin. Turn the heat down to low and cover the pan.
Meanwhile, toss your steamed rice with a decent squirt of ketchup and mix it around until it’s nice and evenly coated. Press it into a rice bowl, and then unmold it onto a plate so that you have a nice little mound.
The egg should be done at this point. Take it off the heat, and carefully remove it from the pan. Drape your egg over your ketchup rice mound.
Leave the room for a second and then come back. Cut open your egg rice mound and act delighted that there is rice in there waiting for you to eat it!
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PRISON EGGS
My boyfriend sometimes cooked for me. It never looked pretty, but often, it tasted okay!! These eggs he makes are a prime example of this.
Whenever we go out for Mexican food, we always have leftovers to take home. He always gets vegetarian super nachos and I always get anjito pork tostadas. The following morning, he would make scrambled eggs using the leftovers. Sounds good right?
It does taste good, but it looks so nasty. What he does is he he puts the eggs and dumps the leftovers in a cold, ungreased pan, (this is something I would NEVER do is put any food in a cold ungreased pan). He then turns on the heat, and as the pan is getting hotter and hotter, he vigorously stirs the egg mixture, continuously scraping it off the bottom of the pan. The egg gets so crumbled into mealy little bits that only stay together because of the gruel that has become of the leftover mexican, which at this point becomes a green gray sludge. At the end, the whole thing takes on a unified gray color.
It takes a second to get used to how nasty it looks. If I close my eyes though, it smells great and tastes great, but it’s hard to voluntarily put something so visually vile into your own mouth. Go ahead and try it out next time you have mexican leftovers! Or any ethnic leftover for that matter!
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EGG TROMPE L’OEIL
Sometimes it’s fun to make food look like eggs without using any egg at all. Here are some ways to do it:
-Put an apricot half on top of a mound of cottage cheese
-Mound white rice. Spoon a small bit of yellow rice over it.
-Make milk/cream gelatin and throw some cantaloupe balls in your mold.
-Pool a little butterscotch or pineapple syrup on to a scoop of vanilla ice cream
-Curry gravy on mashed potatoes
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MICROWAVED SPICED CORN KERNELS
Don't dis on this, this is my favorite snack food ever. It especially makes me nostalgic for simpler times, when my mom would always keep the fridge stocked with giant Sam's Club sized bags of frozen corn. I would eat a whole cereal bowl worth of corn! Now that I’m an adult, I don’t really do that as much anymore, but sometimes I do!!
-half a bag of frozen corn (6-8 oz?)
-1/4 inch slice of butter stick
-dash of garlic powder
-sprinkle of cayenne pepper
-pinch of salt
-pinch of sugar
-optional: ranch dressing and/or sriracha hot sauce
Dump all of the above into a cereal bowl. Microwave for 4-5 minutes. Stir around. Eat it. Fall into a corn coma.